madness

I hate the idea of having one occupation in your lifetime. One lifetime is not enough for me to accomplish what I wish to achieve. In high school, I was studying to be labeled as a pharmacist, and right now I'm studying to be labeled as a graphic designer. As much as I like designing, I can already see that I'm ready to try something else. I guess you can say I get bored easily, or it's possible that I'm indecisive, or simply the fact that I have no idea what I want to do. It could be all three.

I'm currently reading a witty little book, Sum by David Eagleman. Sum contains 40 different tales of the afterlife. It's nothing religious really - it's more like David's hypothesis and what-ifs of the afterlife. Some of the stories could be quite entertaining, but it also made me realize that I have not lived enough. Not even close. In one of his stories, after you die, a "Technician" allow you to change one thing either about yourself or those around you, and then you get to live in that way again. How perfect would it be for me if I got this choice, but only one? I'm so greedy.

However, if I had to choose, I would love to come back as one of the greatest dancers that has ever lived on this planet. Whenever I watch So You Think You Can Dance, I could feel exactly what they're feeling. I sense that freedom of movement and mind. I could also feel this bursting of freedom and expression when I watch some of the finalist on American Idol. Actually, I probably sense it more in singing than dancing. At times, I feel like I could cry whenever I know that what they just sang had moved thousands of people. I want to know what it feels like to do something that is much bigger than yourself, to control such a gift, and have all the stress release from your body. I want too much.

I also wouldn't mind being an architect. This interest in architecture came in later in my life, probably about 2 years ago when I knew more about what my friends were doing in their architecture class, and when I took art history and began to study Italian Renaissance architecture. Actually, if I had to go back and study something again in college, it probably would be architecture. It requires me to use both sides of my brain, which is perfect. I guess this little dream of mine isn't too late. Singing requires a natural gift, and dancing had to be started much earlier than 21 years old. But I can always study architecture.

I'm a person that wants to do everything, but never finishes anything, because as soon as I'm also done with one task, my mind is already off to another. For a person that has an interest in everything, I believe this is more of a terrible curse than anything.

I wish I could find an end to this madness.